This is the first time in 4 years that I get to spend Thanksgiving at home. I’m extremely thankful. Those three years were actually pretty tough. I’ve spent Thanksgiving w/ my family for 22 years so not spending it with them was difficult. The first year I went up to Chicago and got to spend Thanksgiving w/ Qbert and Taft. The next year I spent it in Champaign w/ my roommate Charles, a bunch of international Japanese friends, and other random people. Last year I spent it in Champaign and cooked up a Thanksgiving dinner for a bunch of mostly international/homeless CRH people.
This year, I have more vacation time so I spent it to go home for Thanksgiving. A number of people who came to my house last year asked if I was doing the Thanksgiving dinner again. I had to decline them and say I was going home. When I got home, I found out that our Thanksgiving dinner is going to be more than just my family. We invited some extended family but also some friends from church who don’t have any family in the area.
Then I realized, this is where I get it. My parents model hospitality as we open our home to people in need and feel left out. That first year I was so happy to be spending Thanksgiving w/ my friend’s family. It’s difficult when you’re alone and everyone else is spending time w/ their family. I also realized this is the perfect time to picture the family of Christ. We may not be blood relatives but I can spend Thanksgiving, a family time, with my spiritual family. Last year when I organized and planned a Thanksgiving dinner on campus for CRH, we were a family not by our blood but by the blood of Jesus. Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to spend with your physical family but it’s also an incredible time to include your spiritual family, esp. those who don’t have a physical family, and picture the body of Christ.
Life, Thoughts family, holiday, Thanksgiving
This past weekend, we got to cook our Thanksgiving dinner food at Phil and Yang-hee’s house. They have four cute kids, Elizabeth (5), Hannah (3), Sarah (3, yes, they’re identical twins), and Elijah (1). Since most of the cooking was done when we got there in the afternoon, we just spent time playing w/ the kids. On Sunday, I went over again in the afternoon to pick up some cooking utensils we left there. Phil was out buying groceries so I played with their kids for a little bit while Yang-hee cooked them dinner. We were having a good time but they started getting more and more irritable. They would do things to bother each other and one would start crying and her sisters wouldn’t do anything for her, just stand sit next to me and tell me she’s crying. Eventually dinner was ready so they all ran over to get dinner. Someone took someone else’s seat so one of them started crying again. While Yang-hee was trying to get them settled, I watched over Elijah who was supposed to be gnawing on his ravioli. Rather than nimbling on them w/ his four teeth, he decided to stuff all three in his mouth and force them in there when there wasn’t enough room. He started coughing, then choking, and crying. I patted him on the back to get him to cough it up while Yang-hee pulled them out of his mouth. While we’re preventing Elijah from choking on his raviolis, the girls were complaining about how they want dessert, and apple pie, and blueberry waffles and all these things. Yang-hee calmly tells them that Daddy’s bringing them home from the store and that they can have blueberry waffles tomorrow for breakfast. She instead distracts them with an offer for apple fries (sliced apples) which captures their attention. Eventually Phil comes home and I give him a hand w/ the groceries. Apparently the girls are now in a helpful mood and they help Phil put the groceries into the fridge. They finally get the OJ they’ve been asking for all dinner and once that’s down, they’re off to bed.
Sunday and Saturday were completely different experiences at their house. The girls were easy and fun to be with on Saturday. On Sunday they were cranky, irritable, fussy, and needy. I marveled at Yang-hee’s ability to placate them and manage to feed them dinner. Everyone was fed, changed, and in bed, and no one died. If I was left w/ all four of them, I wouldn’t know what to do. So many different needs, urgencies, and fires to attend, I’d lose my mind. I could handle one of them; just give me Elijah and I’d be alright (except for maybe the changing diapers part) or Elizabeth who can tell me what she wants. But all four at one time, that’s a feat. I definitely like kids and still think I’d like 3-4 but I’d like to have them one at time, if that’s ok with you God.
Life
It’s dangerous to succeed. I’m most concerned for those who aren’t even 30 and are very gifted and successful. Sometimes God uses someone right out of youth, but usually he uses leaders who have been crushed.
- Chuck Swindoll, 10 Leadership Lessons Learned in 50 Years of Leadership
Pastor Jung sent us these 10 leadership lessons two days ago, the same day that I wrote my previous entry. Starting this summer and through now, I’ve been going through a rude awakening. I’ve been working with college students for the past 5 years, who are usually 18-23. I’m often called ‘old’ and seen as someone who’s so wise and knowledgeable, like I have the answers to everything. Even now, I’m one of the oldest small group leaders in CRH. I feel like there is this expectation that I need to help set the tone for all these new leaders. And this is where it gets scary.
I’m only 26 years old, just barely over a quarter century. People have been doing ministry for over twice my lifetime. This summer I got to be in small group w/ guys who are older and more mature. I felt like a kid in their presence. How do I come off thinking like I’m some sort of spiritual adult? Compared to them I’m still in diapers with so much to learn. Here’s the exact danger that Mr. Swindoll warns of. People come to Christ during our small groups. People’s lives are changed. People grow spiritually and come alive. Then they think I had something to do with it b/c it happened in “my small group”. It’s easy to become proud and arrogant, things that I constantly struggle with. Sometimes I throw that around with a perceived cavalier attitude but it is one of the two things that scares me to my core. I’m scared of becoming proud and being consumed by my own self-glory. I’m scared of thinking I’m all-that and trusting in my own abilities and talents. I’m scared of relying on myself and then God is missing from the picture.
Lord, never use me beyond my humility.
Thoughts character, ministry
A Christian family fellowship should surely be able to read and listen to a chapter of the Old Testament and at least half of a chapter of the New Testament every morning and evening. When the practice is first tried, of course, most people will find even this modest measure too much and will offer resistance. It will be objected that it is impossible to take in and retain such an abundance of ideas and associations, that it even shows disrespect for God’s Word to read more than one can seriously assimilate. These objections will cause us quite readily to content ourselves again with reading only verses.
In truth, however, there lurks in the attitude a grave error. If it is really true that it is hard for us, as adult Christians, to comprehend even a chapter of the Old Testament in sequence, then this can only fill us with profound shame; what kind of testimony is that to our knowledge of the scriptures and all our previous reading of them? If we were familiar with the substance of what we read we should be able to follow a chapter without difficulty, especially if we have an open Bible in our hands and participate in the reading.
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together
Bonhoeffer calls me out. Usually I’ll just read a couple of verses for my daily devotion and try to analyze and draw out lessons from there. In response, I’ve been trying to read more than just a few verses for my quiet time. The goal has been to understand the content of the verses but also the context of the verses. I want to see what the verses say but also what they say together with the surrounding context and to identify themes. I’m reading through Luke for my quiet times and what P. John Teter’s still stuck with me, that the letter is to Theophilus and would contain themes that are pertinent to him. Lately I’ve been seeing big linking themes regarding money and the purpose of life and death strung throughout the passages. It’s added a new dynamic to my quiet times and is expanding my knowledge of the Bible. I should push my reading deeply to encompass more than just a few verses.
Shouldn’t I, a self-perceived “adult Christian”, be able to assimilate more than just a couple of verses? I’m just a baby attempting to walk.
Thoughts Bible, Spiritual Discipline
Recently I was talking to a small group member about some issues we have with CFC. There are some issues that I disagree or question. I disagree with infant baptism. I question the practical implementations of the courtship model (but agree w/ the underlying principles), if we can be training people better, and some other minor issues. All in all, I probably disagree with maybe 10% of what CFC does. Sometimes that 10% seems like so much but it also means that I do agree with 90% of all that CFC does and I think CFC does that 90% exceptionally well.
There will always be something I disagree with no matter which church I attend. There is no perfect church. What is not to say that something that I may disagree with now, I will agree with later and vice versa as I grow in my faith and understanding? So long as I agree with the core mission and theology, the majority of methods, and am growing and benefiting in my walk with Jesus, then I should not discard it based on a few differences (though core theological differences would be a completely different matter). Though I might have disagreements, CFC is my church and I will continue to support it.
Thoughts church, theology
I’ve been talking with my roommate the past couple of days about small group. There have been things on our hearts that we’d like to see in our small groups and in our church, such as some sort of social / community outreach. Even when thinking of what to do for sharing small group, we’re bouncing ideas off each other. The problem I have is that it all seems so old. Been there, done that. I’m leading my 5th small group – are they all going to follow the same pattern? Out of 19 years of CFC, is this really the best way to do things or do we just keep doing the same things because it works?
I’m not talking about changing things for pure sake of change. Are there not more ways we can challenge our small group and help them to get spiritually deeper? I’m incredibly thankful that there has been thought on the YA side of things: Career Coffeehouse and Mission trips. The engineering coffee house keeps getting better every two years. The Tech Team trip was awesome. We also had a Teachers trip to Kenya, and a Business trip so China. Why can’t we have more? Pioneers does so much, can’t we partner with them and do more? I know there are passionate people thinking and planning ways to do more.
What about the home front? In our community? Or even in our own church? Do we still consider the “pinnacle” of “spiritual maturity” to be leading a small group? Is someone a “spiritual failure” if they choose something else over that opportunity to serve? What about the people unable to make the time commitments? Are there more ways that we can train people? Are there different areas that they can be better trained in, like in loving the poor, broken, and downtrodden? Where are the visionaries? The people who dream big? Have we grown so big and gotten “drunk” on our “success” that we sit around on our laurels?
Maybe I’m just a malcontent jaded by my years here and bored of the status quo wanting something new. Or maybe I think CFC could be so much more than what we currently are, that there are a wealth of untapped opportunities and new places God wants to take our church.
Thoughts
I was working from home on Wednesday and as is my practice I did my laundry. Around noon I was looking for my wallet.
“Where’s my wallet?”
“Wait, I think it’s in my pants’ pocket.”
“Wait, where’s my phone?”
“…”
I ran downstairs and the washer was already done. I opened the door and sure enough my wallet was in my pants’ pocket. And sure enough my phone was in the other pocket. I took it out – all nice and squeaky clean – and powered off. I tried turning it on to no avail. It was dead.
I went back upstairs and lamented my phone’s fate on Twitter and Facebook. One of my friends suggested putting my phone in a bag of uncooked rice. The rice will pull out the moisture. I had nothing to lose so I filled up a ziplock bag of rice and stuck my phone in it.
Later that day I took out my phone. It seemed that some moisture had vacated the screen. I plugged it in and it wouldn’t power on. Perhaps a little longer would help. I stuck it back in the bag of rice. Last night I took it out again. Seemed like more moisture left and it looked alright. I plugged it in and … still no good. Alas, my phone was gone.
Then this morning, I decided to try it one more time. I plugged it in not expected anything and … the screen went on! I took out the battery and plugged it in. It started charging the battery. Soon my battery was charged and I could turn it on. I was able to activate it with Verizon. My phone was back alive!
Who would have thought that a bag of rice could actually save my phone. This wasn’t one of those, oh no! I dropped it in a puddle. This thing was in the washing machine for a good 30 minutes, detergent and all. It was soaked and wet through and through but now it works. There is still some moisture on the internal screen, not enough to distort the image but noticeable.
I’m glad to have my phone back but I guess that means I don’t have an excuse to get a new fancy android phone next month.
Life disaster recovery
Leading a small group in CFC is hard work. There have been many times that I wanted to quit, to throw in the towel, and wish that Jesus would come back right now. There are times when it is frustrating and things don’t go the way I expect. There are other times it is an absolute joy; when I love what I get to do. I see lives transformed and hearts on fire. I see people come alive spiritually and it makes it all worth it. Yet it bothers me when I hear the phrase “It’s hard but it’s worth it.”
Perhaps it is the order of the phrase. “It’s hard” … “but it’s worth it”. The focus is on the hardness and the difficulties of serving in a small group. Or maybe it is the way it’s often said, with a long sigh and a drawn out “hard” but with a quick “but it’s worth it” and a seemingly forced smile at the end. If serving was so hard, I would have thrown in the towel years ago. To me, the overarching emotion when thinking about leading and serving is joy. Yes, there are difficulties and trials, but all that pales compared to the joy of being a part of what God is doing.
I feel like this saying perpetuates an attitude and negative view of participating in leadership at our church. “You become a slave to CFC”, “You have no life”, “You’re grades will suffer and you’ll fail out”. Yes, there’s a commitment. I added up all the ‘extra responsibilities’ and time commitments I give my coservant. We meet twice a week for 2 hours and there is servants meeting on Saturday mornings. Usually Srvt’s mtg just comes at the cost of sleep (Who wakes up regularly at 8am anyways?) but if you count it, then it is 8.5 ‘extra’ hours a week. My freshman girl is on the club Ultimate Frisbee team. They practice twice a week for 3 hours and have games. I’m pretty sure the amortized time is close to 8 hours a week. If you want to be committed to something, it takes time. Any student athlete knows this. They sacrifice time and energy to be on the team. They pour their blood, sweat, and tears out for it. Why should serving the God of the universe be any different? When we think about serving, shouldn’t we be filled with joy and with an attitude of “I get to” do this? Serving is a joy though it has its ups and downs.
Thoughts leadership, small group
I know what it is to be busy, not necessarily because I am real busy but my roommate’s a busy man. He has his day job, his small group, administrative duties for the church and a long distance relationship to maintain. Throw on top of that all the other normal duties of life and you have someone with very little personal time. But the fact of the matter is, if you lead a small group and work or take a full load of classes, you will be busy. We’re all busy to some extent. Now that my class started up, it will eat into whatever free time I have. But it is no excuse. I still have time to sneak in a video game here and there over the course of the week. I still have time to watch some football and check up on my fantasy teams. My roommate still finds time to play video games here and there.
I remember the rebuke a friend shared with me years ago when I first started leading. One of the pastors rebuked him for saying he was too busy. He thought being busy was a good thing, he was using his time to the fullest for different callings and responsibilities. However, small group members were scared to ask him for help or to meet up. He was “too busy” for them. He was getting wrapped up in the programs and forgetting about the people.
I am never too busy to meet with small group members. If it means I have to sacrifice sleep or rearrange my schedule, that is what I will do. I always want to be available for them, esp. in the case of an emergency. I never want my evaluation to be that I was too busy for them.
Busyness comes down to priorities and discipline. There are many things I can do in a day. I choose to do the most important. My small group and my coservant are among my highest priorities. I will never say I am too busy for them; I will make time.
Thoughts small group, time management
Growing up in my church, I did not know a single person who wanted to become a pastor. The majority of us went on mission trips in youth group and some thought about being a missionary but no one wanted to be a pastor or pastor’s wife. A lot of people wanted to do business, engineering, become lawyers or doctors, etc. The typical “asian” majors. All my friends (except me) had 1st Generation parents.
Perhaps this is an effect of 1st Generation immigration. “I didn’t come all the way here for you to go into seminary. I came here for you to succeed, for you to go to an Ivy”. And thus many did, going to top schools focusing on their careers. Nothing wrong with that. I went to a top 10 Computer Science school and currently work as a software engineer. But I don’t remember any parents encouraging their kids to think about it. I don’t remember any pastors encouraging any of the youth to think about it. And you wonder why there is a dearth of 2nd generation Chinese pastors.
While I won’t say that it’s a church’s responsibility to train up their own pastors for the generations to come, I will say that it is the Church’s responsibility, as in the Universal Church’s. A church must be concerned about the Church’s future. We are all one body and in today’s mobility, people will move around. Your pastor does not have to come from your congregation but he will come from someone’s congregation. Some church has to be training pastors for the next generation. Who will be teaching your kids or your grandchildren? Why not have one of your own, one whom you know and trust.
Thoughts church, leadership, training