But today at large group, it was all about grace. Mark – his desertion – there was grace. There was a second chance and time for God to work in his life and make him someone useful to Paul. Peter – his early years with Jesus were marked with failure and denial. He was redeemed and started the church. There was grace for them. Grace that covered their sins. Grace that gave them a second chance. Grace that allowed them to keep on going through mistakes and toils. There is grace because God loves us. We are covered with the blood of Christ.

It’s not just another year. I’m not just another year older. It might all seem the same but there’s something more going on. While it seems like all the same struggles and failures, there is another year of grace. There is another year of God working in my life – changing me into someone useful for his kingdom. Though I don’t see it now, though I have no idea what my future holds, though I struggle and sometime despair at the prospect of what lies (or does not lie) ahead, I know there will be another year of grace. There will be another year of forgiveness and sanctification. God is still at work in my life – it’s another year for God’s grace to work in my life.

I’m still alive because God’s will is not yet done for me.

This book does an excellent job at unpacking and explaining all of this. It also gives some useful examples and case studies of how this is done. One interesting thing the author does is to take the same passage and apply it to two different people’s counseling situation. Though I feel the conversations are a little contrived and “easy”, it’s interesting to see how he highlights and uses different aspects of the same passage to people struggling with different things. However, the majority of the content in this book are things that I have heard before in my counseling class. I was hoping for more concrete substance rather than an approach to using the Bible. Maybe that’s the exact point I’m missing. I’m want “in this situation, use X and in this situation, use Y” where as this book gives you a toolkit to understand the Bible and know how to leverage it for counseling. You can use any passage for almost anything as long as you understand the overarching theme of the Bible. (Of course some passages are better and more pointed than others.) All this to show that I’m lazy and need to spend more time studying the Bible.

I recommend this book to people who want to know how to use the Bible to help counsel people. It will help inform the way you understand the Bible, people, and apply one to the other.

I read this article about multitasking the other day. (It’s a good read for our attention deficit generation.) It talked about the cost of multitasking and what it is doing to our brains. One anecdote really caught my attention.

Recently, she was baking peanut butter cookies for Teacher Appreciation Day when her phone chimed in the living room. She answered a text, then became lost in Facebook, forgot about the cookies and burned them. She started a new batch, but heard the phone again, got lost in messaging, and burned those too. Out of ingredients and shamed, she bought cookies at the store.

Last night I was watching Day[9], my favorite Starcraft2 commentator, who has an incredible series – Day[9] Dailies in which he analyzes high level Starcraft play and breaks it down for us n00bs as well as teaches people how to get better. Last night it was on multitasking – mental checklists. Being good at Starcraft is all about being able to do multiple things. We are finite beings only capable of doing one thing at a time so the ability to do that one thing really fast gives you a lead. In this daily, Day[9] showed us that it’s not about doing things really fast, or in the Starcraft world, having really high APM, but it’s about remembering to do the right things and doing them well. He breaks it down into a mental check list of 3 things. Do these three things and you will be a good Starcraft player. (If you want to know what these three things are, I advise you to watch the video here.)

The issue isn’t being able to do things really fast. It’s not even (necessarily) information overload. The issue is that we forget our mental checklist, or the priorities on our mental checklist is wrong when we’re inundated with information. Go back up to that anecdote I posted from the NYTimes article. The keyword is she forgot. It’s not that multitasking caused her to burn the cookies. The issue is that she forgot to check the cookies while on facebook and txting. If she were constantly saying to herself “Are the cookies done yet? Are the cookies done yet?” she probably wouldn’t have forgotten the cookies.

The issue does arise when we have so many things to keep track of. Those three basic things in Starcraft 2 start out as easy but soon contain many subpoints as the game progresses. Likewise, at work, the list of things to do may not be incredibly simple to be contained in a nice simple list that fits in memory. This is where Starcraft 2 and work diverge. You don’t need to be doing 300 APM at work. People will think you’re crazy for spamming your keyboard and it’s impossible to do 300 APM for 8 hours (granted if you’re going that fast you’ll probably finish your work in well under 8 hours). You have time so WRITE IT DOWN and I yell that in all caps for my own benefit. I don’t need to keep everything in memory. I can set up timers to remind myself of certain things. I can use pencil and paper (old school tech ftw!) to keep track of what I was doing and what I need to do. Hopefully this will help me keep track of everything that I need to do. The ability to multitask in Starcraft can help me multitask at work better.

SIDE NOTE before I end this now long blog post: We had a course at work almost two years back about how to use Outlook to help organize or make our work more efficient. Outlook is actually capable of doing everything I just mentioned but the problem is people never really use it as such. It truly is a powerful productivity tool and goes much beyond simple emailing.

I went for a walk. I was yelling at God. Why would this happen? Why would he let me make such a crucial mistake? I had prayed so much before the trip. I was the only one to seriously raise support for this trip. I had prayer partners back home praying for me and our trip. Why God! I had prayed against stuff like this. Why did you let this happen? I did not want to be in Kenya at that moment.

Everything worked out in the end. We were able to repurpose another computer and “accomplish” what we set out to do. But as I prepare for my trip to Kyrgyzstan, the question lingers: “Why did this happen?” I think today’s sermon by Dr. Solomon Aryeetey touched on the answer when he addressed suffering and the purpose of prayer. From my notes: “If our highest goal is comfort, then suffering is bad. If our highest goal is Christ-likeness then suffering is another one of God’s tools to get us there.” We suffer as a refining process of God. (You can reference my previous post for more about suffering.) Then the purpose of prayer should not be to escape suffering.

I pray to conform my will to God’s will. Not my will but thine be done – Luke 22:42 (KJV) I had this realization today while praying at Mission Training. I should not pray that this trip goes according to our plan. I need to be praying that I see God’s purpose for this trip. I need to pray that I learn the appropriate lessons when things happen. I need to learn patience when our equipment is lost. I need to learn to trust in his provision when equipment breaks. I need to learn faith when I lose my yellow fever vaccination card.

If God wants us to die on our way there or back, so be it. He is sovereign, my prayers will not change that – his will be done. We should not be praying to avoid suffering but be able to see Christ in the midst of it. As I prepare to go to Kyrgyzstan this summer, won’t you please pray for me that God’s will would be done in my life, my team’s life, the missionaries’ lives, and in all the people that we encounter. Please pray that we would all be able to see that all the things he is doing are marvelous, even if they are not according to our plan.

One area where this is difficult in sickness, death, and overall suffering. “Why is this happening to me?”, “Is it because I did something bad?” “Is it because I’ve sinned and God is trying to punish me?”. It is hard for people to see what God is doing in the midst of difficulty. Thankfully God gives us his word!

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.

– John 9:1-3

But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”

– John 11:4

These two passages popped out at me while I was doing my Bible reading this morning. The man was born blind not because of any sin or punishment. The purpose of his physical disability was to display the work of God. Lazarus’s death was for the purpose of glorifying God and Jesus. There is a God honoring purpose for these instances of suffering. Our jobs as counselors is not just to give comfort, which needs to be done, but to help people see God, his glory, and his work in the midst of their suffering. They need to see the redemptive value in what God is doing in their lives.

He who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet.

- Proverbs 27:7 – my self was hungry and resorted to bitter treats. It was snacking on things that could not make me full. When I finally opened my eyes (or rather, God opened them for me) and confessed my struggles to some friends who spoke truth in my life and prayed for me, then I saw my problem.

Rev. Charlie Dates spoke at our All-Campus worship on Friday and it was just what my soul needed. A reminder that I was looking in all the wrong places. I needed some living water so that I would no longer thirst. And this comes at just the right time. It’s funny, really. God always seems to move especially more during Lent. I restricted my gaming for Lent but now He tells me to give it up completely. The biggest reason why I didn’t want to was b/c of the joy I experienced when playing w/ my friends. The game wasn’t my escape – it was my friends. I was looking to them for only what God could give me – comfort, rest, and relief from a busy schedule.

I committed to going to Wednesday Night Prayer Meetings again – something I’ve put off the whole school year so far. I will also be attending the Mission Training meetings as well. There’s a potential trip in the works so I need to start getting ready in case it happens. All these things coming together at around the same time. It is just what I have been telling my small group – we need to put off, and put on.

It’s funny how God works.

This year, I have more vacation time so I spent it to go home for Thanksgiving. A number of people who came to my house last year asked if I was doing the Thanksgiving dinner again. I had to decline them and say I was going home. When I got home, I found out that our Thanksgiving dinner is going to be more than just my family. We invited some extended family but also some friends from church who don’t have any family in the area.

Then I realized, this is where I get it. My parents model hospitality as we open our home to people in need and feel left out. That first year I was so happy to be spending Thanksgiving w/ my friend’s family. It’s difficult when you’re alone and everyone else is spending time w/ their family. I also realized this is the perfect time to picture the family of Christ. We may not be blood relatives but I can spend Thanksgiving, a family time, with my spiritual family. Last year when I organized and planned a Thanksgiving dinner on campus for CRH, we were a family not by our blood but by the blood of Jesus. Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to spend with your physical family but it’s also an incredible time to include your spiritual family, esp. those who don’t have a physical family, and picture the body of Christ.

It’s dangerous to succeed. I’m most concerned for those who aren’t even 30 and are very gifted and successful. Sometimes God uses someone right out of youth, but usually he uses leaders who have been crushed.

- Chuck Swindoll, 10 Leadership Lessons Learned in 50 Years of Leadership

Pastor Jung sent us these 10 leadership lessons two days ago, the same day that I wrote my previous entry. Starting this summer and through now, I’ve been going through a rude awakening. I’ve been working with college students for the past 5 years, who are usually 18-23. I’m often called ‘old’ and seen as someone who’s so wise and knowledgeable, like I have the answers to everything. Even now, I’m one of the oldest small group leaders in CRH. I feel like there is this expectation that I need to help set the tone for all these new leaders. And this is where it gets scary.

I’m only 26 years old, just barely over a quarter century. People have been doing ministry for over twice my lifetime. This summer I got to be in small group w/ guys who are older and more mature. I felt like a kid in their presence. How do I come off thinking like I’m some sort of spiritual adult? Compared to them I’m still in diapers with so much to learn. Here’s the exact danger that Mr. Swindoll warns of. People come to Christ during our small groups. People’s lives are changed. People grow spiritually and come alive. Then they think I had something to do with it b/c it happened in “my small group”. It’s easy to become proud and arrogant, things that I constantly struggle with. Sometimes I throw that around with a perceived cavalier attitude but it is one of the two things that scares me to my core. I’m scared of becoming proud and being consumed by my own self-glory. I’m scared of thinking I’m all-that and trusting in my own abilities and talents. I’m scared of relying on myself and then God is missing from the picture.

Lord, never use me beyond my humility.

A Christian family fellowship should surely be able to read and listen to a chapter of the Old Testament and at least half of a chapter of the New Testament every morning and evening. When the practice is first tried, of course, most people will find even this modest measure too much and will offer resistance. It will be objected that it is impossible to take in and retain such an abundance of ideas and associations, that it even shows disrespect for God’s Word to read more than one can seriously assimilate. These objections will cause us quite readily to content ourselves again with reading only verses.

In truth, however, there lurks in the attitude a grave error. If it is really true that it is hard for us, as adult Christians, to comprehend even a chapter of the Old Testament in sequence, then this can only fill us with profound shame; what kind of testimony is that to our knowledge of the scriptures and all our previous reading of them? If we were familiar with the substance of what we read we should be able to follow a chapter without difficulty, especially if we have an open Bible in our hands and participate in the reading.

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

Bonhoeffer calls me out. Usually I’ll just read a couple of verses for my daily devotion and try to analyze and draw out lessons from there. In response, I’ve been trying to read more than just a few verses for my quiet time. The goal has been to understand the content of the verses but also the context of the verses. I want to see what the verses say but also what they say together with the surrounding context and to identify themes. I’m reading through Luke for my quiet times and what P. John Teter’s still stuck with me, that the letter is to Theophilus and would contain themes that are pertinent to him. Lately I’ve been seeing big linking themes regarding money and the purpose of life and death strung throughout the passages. It’s added a new dynamic to my quiet times and is expanding my knowledge of the Bible. I should push my reading deeply to encompass more than just a few verses.

Shouldn’t I, a self-perceived “adult Christian”, be able to assimilate more than just a couple of verses? I’m just a baby attempting to walk.