Clarification
April 11th, 2008
After talking to some people about my previous post, I’d like to make some clarifications.
- There are two aspects of ‘controlling’ feelings. The first is probably what most people thought, “When I have a feeling what do I do?” “When I feel angry, do I lash out in anger, repress my anger, or what?” In my frame of thinking and vernacular this is the issue of “How do I deal with my feelings?” “I have this feeling, what is the correct way of dealing with it, of responding to it.” Perhaps this is what most people thought when I brought up the issue. However, the issue I was addressing is the second.
“How do I prevent my feelings?” This is the question in my mind when I hear “How do I control my feelings?” Dealing with feelings is controlling the response to our feelings. Preventing feelings is controlling which feelings the heart experiences. If I can prevent certain feelings in certain situations, then I’m controlling how I feel in that situation. In my mind’s eye, most people these days learn just how to deal with their feelings – when this anger comes, who do I react – instead of learning how not to get angry in the first place. This is a whole other post in itself which I will save for a later time.
- The second clarification is a phrase I’d like to add to my thought ‘That’s the way I am – accept me” Tolerate me. Love me for who I am.’ Don’t try and change me. We are supposed to love people and accept them. However, it’s because of this love for them that we want them to change. We don’t want them to be doing destructive things to themselves or others. This attitude of “don’t change me” is probably one of two things – “I like my sin, let me be” or “I can change myself – don’t tell me what to do”. This attitude is dangerous because as Christians, though we are love by God for exactly who we are, he also wants us to change and become more like Jesus. From Wikipedia “Toleration and tolerance are terms used in social, cultural and religious contexts to describe attitudes and practices that prohibit discrimination against those practices or group memberships that may be disapproved of by those in the majority.” We, as Christians, disapprove of sin so we cannot tolerate it’s existence. We must have a hate for sin but a love for the person. (1 Cor. 5) As it relates to feelings – just because we experience those feelings and learn how to deal with it, doesn’t mean it’s right to keep having them. (Mt 5:21-28) We can change how we feel; we can prevent our feelings in a Biblical and healthy way. To say “This is the way I feel, this is how I’ve always felt, I’ll just learn to deal with it” represents an attitude that may not understand fully the depth of transformation God wants us to undergo. He’s not after behavioral modification but after heart and feeling transformation. He wants us to be like Christ, not just in our actions but also our thoughts and feelings.