Adieu Peter Pan
“I don’t want to grow up, I’m a Toys R Us kid, There’s a million toys at Toys ‘R Us that I can play with!”
Apparently, I’m so old that my small group members haven’t heard this commercial jingle about Toy R Us. In alot of ways, this jingle reflects my attitude. I’m a college kid, trapped in a young adult body. This or I’m a young adult clinging on to his college years, not ready to take a step into the future.
I still try to do the college things, I try to have the college schedule (sleeping late, waking up as late as my job allows), and even hang out with college students all day every day. This is perpetuated by my fellowship that almost encourages such behavior. We run on a college schedule. Our events are structured around the academic calendar and our meetings accommodate the student’s life style. What church would have a meeting at midnight, right?
As much as I’ve enjoyed my college days and now cling to them, living them out through my friends, I feel it’s time for me to be letting go and embracing the Young Adult life. I don’t want to and I realize it’s not because I loved my college life and want to keep living it but because I’m afraid of the future. I’m afraid of failing.
The young adult life is completely different from student life. I realized this two weeks ago when Pastor Min preached on how to spend your time redemptively. He specified three categories, school/work, family, church and said to pick the non-negotiables from those and schedule them in first then start filling in your schedule. When I thought about this, I realized there was something missing. There was something important missing from my schedule that I could only call “Life”. Yes, “Life” was missing from my schedule. Where was the time that I had to set aside to pay my bills or right now, do my taxes. Where does taking my car to get an oil change fit in? Where do dentist and doctor appointments go? What about grocery shopping? Life is simplistic when you’re a student. You eat, sleep, study, and go to church. You don’t have to worry about calling the repairman to fix your broken water heater; the dorm maintenance people take care of all that. I need to start thinking and concerning myself with this thing called “life”. I can’t hang around the dorm and try to bum meals because my fridge is empty from not setting aside time to buy groceries.
Growing up also involves new decisions. I’m in the process of deciding whether or not I should purchase a house. There are so many things involved with it that it paralyzes me. So many factors to take into account that I freeze and just want to throw my hands in the air and not deal with it. I realized that I can’t make a decision (as well as some other issues) because I’m afraid of failure. This new phase of life brings about so many changes and challenges my life style that I just want to stay with what’s comfortable.
Alas, I cannot. I realize that I need to be faithful with a few things to be faithful with many. I need to learn how to wisely decide in these decisions so I can wisely decide in larger decisions. I need to mature and embrace the new callings God has for me. I need to leave Never Never Land and grow into the man God’s planned for me to be.