ISTJ
I’ve always thought I was a thinker. The test even said I was thinker. Then I met up w/ someone and she ask if I was sure I was a thinker. That question cut to the core, questioning the very foundation of who I thought I was. For me to be a feeler would be . . I don’t know the words to describe it but . . . ugh. To me, feelers are wishy washy – blowing wherever the wind or their emotions take them. Me, I’m grounded. I’m build on truths and ideas. I do not shift with the sands for to do so would be reproachable. Am I the weakness that I disdain?
The situation that brought this up was the intense conflicting emotions I was experiencing. My heart felt one way but my mind knew better. I was gollum and smeagol; smeagol and gollum in the forest wrestling. The key question was even though I knew what was right in my mind – I had the facts – I felt the opposite. Was I ruled by my feelings or my thoughts?
Before this, I was reading an article written by the Christian counselor David Powlison (I’m increasingly enjoying his writings) entitled “What Do You Feel?”. The essay breaks apart the the phrase ‘I feel . . .’ to analyze the underlying heart.
As I examined myself in light of my thoughts and emotions, using his critique, I began to see a pattern. My emotions stemmed from my thoughts. I had incorrect thoughts which brought about unjustified emotions. The problem was, my correct thoughts could not bring about accurrate emotions. I was stuck in a pit of despair to which my thoughts could not dig me out. That was, until I had Biblical Christ-centered thoughts. I wasn’t going to sit around and wait for my feelings to change or put myself in situations that would change my disposition (which actually I did but that didn’t help). I needed to wrestle with my mind and heart. It wasn’t about changing my thoughts but my thought theology.
I’m still a thinker but this episode has shown me I’m not as infallible as I once thought. I quickly tumble down when faced with incorrect and selfish thoughts. My mind is the biggest gateway to my heart and this gateway needs to be strengthened and reinforced to protect my heart from the lies of the evil one.